Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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