I accidentally had phone sex last night
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
