she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
