just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
