I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
