I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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