he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
