come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
