Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i came on her dog
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
