PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
