Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
