Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
