I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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