I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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