If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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