I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
