If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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