just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
