Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
