Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
