Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
