So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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