I wish I could teleport
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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