you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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