Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We're too hungover to prance.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
