I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
