We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
