Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I need to calm my uterus...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
