quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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