I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
