Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
