So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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