haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
