I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
