'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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