fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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