I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
