Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
