We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
40s are totally the cure
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
