Sry I called you an 8
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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