FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
