No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
