After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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