i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
