i already hear my dad disowning me
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
