I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
