Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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