I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
