I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
