I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize