i'm signing you up for texting rehab
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My liver just had a heart attack.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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