can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
