a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
